Thursday, May 31, 2007

Arod, you inspire me

I went out for a few drinks with friends last night to watch the Yankees game and the bar we went to happened to be doing karaoke night. Well, the Yankees won and let’s just say it turned into the kind of night that starts with a few drinks and ends with you doing Irish Car Bombs and singing Journey. So I’m writing this post while hungover on a plane to Vegas. Good times.

The subject of this week seems to be Arod and his evil ways. While I’m not going to devote any time to the ridiculous alleged cheating on his wife issue, I do want to touch on the “I got it” issue. Apparently (allegedly) Arod called Toronto’s Clark off of a ball last night while running from second to third. Clark, hearing “I got it” (or "hah" or whatever Arod yelled) and assuming it was McDonald, backed off the ball and it dropped innocently, continuing the inning and allowing two runs.

I’m not gonna lie. I like Arod even more for this. I mean c’mon. It’s freaking funny. It’s dirty ball, but it’s funny. And the two runs that scored didn’t make or break the game, so get over it. And you may be saying “Sure, you only think it’s funny because it didn’t happen to your team”. Well, you’re wrong. It’s hysterical no matter how you look at it. And you gotta give Arod points for creativity and having the brass balls to actually pull that off. And it's really not that different than breaking up a double play by sliding inside, or waving your arms, or whatever you have to do.

I can understand McDonald’s frustration, but it should have lasted only a split second. If you can’t see the humor in this, then someone pissed in your Wheaties. The Yankees have had tough times this year. Bravo for bringing some levity to the game.

Monday, May 28, 2007

Yeah, well we don't need you

It was brought to my attention today (thanks Awful Announcing and Can’t Stop The Bleeding ) that the NY Times featured a rant by writer Jane Heller in which she “divorces” the New York Yankees. After struggling through this 1,000 word piece of garbage, I realized two things. One – that this woman has a lot of balls calling herself a fan of any sort. And two – that apparently the New York Time is so hurting for content that some lame excuse for sports writing earned some ink.

Am I pissed? Hell yeah I’m pissed off! It’s hard enough to earn respect as a female sports fan and we’ve got this airhead embarrassing the gender. In her editorial, Heller complains “I was so loyal, so trusting, so willing to shell out $165 so I could buy Major League Baseball’s Extra Innings package and watch all the games from my house in California.” Well boo-freaking-hoo. Try shelling out $1200 for season tickets and sitting through every inning, rain or shine, win or lose. And staying up til 2am when they’re playing the opposite coast because, even though it’s 12-2 in the 8th inning, you don’t want to go to sleep and miss the come from behind win.

She also whines “Maybe it was when Cashman started spending a fortune to acquire pitchers who suddenly could not pitch, at least not in pinstripes.” Haaaaaaave you met the Yankees? Did you become a “fan” last week? The club is notorious for this and everyone knows that. Lemme guess, you jumped on the bandwagon in 1996, right? Yeah, we know.

And she finishes by saying, “As for the Yankees, if they suddenly start winning and somehow become not only the American League champions this season but the World Series champions, I will take that as a sign that they want me back and I will give them serious consideration.” ARE YOU KIDDING ME? You know what? We don’t freaking need you. Seriously. Stay in California and route for the A’s or the Angels. Or better yet, jump on the Bonds bandwagon. You seem like his type.

Thursday, May 24, 2007

Brilliant Self Depracation

The brilliant minds over at Ladies... and Every Day Should Be Saturday have cooked up a genius posting series called "How to make love to a _____ fan". While I would never condone Red Sox fandom of any kind, this post is the funniest thing I've read in a long time. Enjoy.

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Wears Stilettos To A Ballgame Girl

After writing Really Long Heckle Guy a few weeks ago, I’ve begun to notice that there are various versions of “That Fan” milling about the stadium. I’ve decided to write a regular post about it. Today’s is dedicated to “Wears Stilettos To A Ballgame Girl”.

We’ve all seen you Stiletto Girl. We watch you walking up the bleacher steps in a miniskirt and 4 inch heels, secretly (ok, not so secretly) hoping you’ll trip. Was it a surprise that you were going to the game? Were you on the way to a club and decided to stop by for a few innings to kill time? Because that might be acceptable. But alas, we all know you stood in front of the mirror trying on pair after pair of towering footwear, looking for the perfect ones to match your pink Yankee shirt. Did the $10 price of the ticket not clue you in as to appropriate dress code? And shame on you Boyfriend Of Stiletto Girl for allowing this atrocity. We see you hiding your face in shame as you walk closely behind her, trying to prevent the entire section from seeing her hoo-ha as she prances up the stairs.

Stiletto Girl, you’re not that cute. Give the feet a break. A trendy pair of sneakers, or even some sandals will do wonders for your “sporty” look. And you won’t look like an ass wearing them.

Monday, May 21, 2007

Thanks to the Ladies...

I'd like to thank the girls over at Ladies...
for welcoming me into their home and allowing me to be a guest blogger this weekend.

Head on over and check out what Metschick and I had to say about this weekend's Subway Series.

Game 1

Game 2

Game 3

Friday, May 18, 2007

The Yankees will now shave their heads in solidarity

So tonight begins the infamous Subway Series. This series usually brings a level of excitement among Yankees fans that rivals any Red Sox series. This year, however, there’s something different in the air. Hesitation? Nervousness? Impending doom? Even the most die-hard fans have been keeping the smack talk to a minimum. You know it’s bad when Yankees fans are keeping their mouths shut. Even mother nature has chimed in, with a weekend of wind and rain planned for New York.

And just to add to the drama, the Yankees have to go right into a Red Sox series Monday night at home. This week, there’s no middle ground. Either the Yankees are going to steamroll through the next 6 games, or they’re going to shit the pinstriped bed.

The Pros: Derek Jeter is having his best start of his career. Jorge Posada has the highest batting average in the AL. A-Rod, although cooled off, is still performing extremely well.

The Cons: The pitching is awful and they continue to call up pitchers from the minors to fill in the blanks. Who the hell is Clippard? Sunday’s starting pitcher for the Yankees, that’s who. And Kyle Farnsworth is talking smack about Clemens, which is bound to piss of Clemens’ butt buddy Pettitte. I’m calling it now: a slap fight between Pettitte and Farnsworth in the locker room culminating with Mussina grabbing them both by the ears and making them his bitches.

Monday, May 14, 2007

Brett Favre, Tom Brady will smack you now

Baseball season is depressing me. Call me a spoiled Yankees fan, but I’m not used to this losing crap. So let’s talk about football.

Brett Favre’s been bitching that the Packer’s didn’t get Randy Moss over the Patriots. To which Tom Brady’s response should have been “Well, how does it feel?”. No other quarterback has done so much with so little than Tom Brady. And while I’m skeptical of the contribution Moss will make to the Patriots emotionally, he’s definitely the receiver that Brady has been waiting patiently for. And after watching Deion Branch get ripped away from him, Brady deserves it.

Now, I understand that this may be his last year and Favre would like to go out on a Super Bowl appearance. But some (most?) would argue that Favre should have gone out last year. Or the year before. Why would the Packers invest money on an emotional player with the ability to turn a locker room upside down so that their aging quarterback has someone else to throw to? In addition to the two high pick WR’s they picked up in the draft, they also have Donald Driver and Koren Robinson. The risk factor of picking up Moss would not have been worth it to the Packers.

Favre, who is usually good at keeping his emotions in check when it comes to the media, has shown a rare display of his frustration. Is he doubting his current WR roster’s ability, or his own? A lack of confidence in his own ability could be detrimental to his performance. And regardless of his 17 years in the league, such displays of disapproval filter down to the locker room and can breakdown QB/WR relationships. Just ask T.O.

I have a ton of respect for Favre and his contribution to the game of football. And he has all of the tools that it takes to prove he belongs here for another year. I hope he uses them wisely.

Monday, May 7, 2007

Yes, but can he dance?

Breaking news over the weekend: The Yankees are paying $28 million for a fat, 45 year-old guy who hasn’t played yet this season to pitch for their minor league club and eventually enter the rotation for a few months. OK, so it’s not just some old guy, it’s Roger Clemens. But seriously, can anyone truly think this is a good idea? Did we not learn from the whole Randy Johnson debacle?

Says Clemens, “I expect to perform like I was 25, that’s my expectations. Anything short of that would be a disappointment.” Wow. Regardless of who you are, this statements reeks of “reality check”. And I have a hard time believing that anyone in the Yankees organization thinks that a 45 year-old Clemens will be as good as a 25 year-old Clemens.

I seriously hope I’m eating my words at the end of this season, and making him a Yankee has seriously pissed off the fans of other clubs, which is always a good thing. And no disrespect to one of the best pitchers ever in the game. But he’s beyond his day and hanging on for dear life. Should the Yankee rotation stay healthy, he’ll be a decent addition. But he’s not a $28 million savior. And for all of the hype and money spent, will just making it to the playoffs be enough to justify this?

Friday, May 4, 2007

A Pitcher's Signs

According to a police reports, Josh Hancock had a blood alcohol level of almost twice the legal limit and more than 8 grams of marijuana in the car at the time of his fatal car crash. It’s revelations like this that lend to the shocking reality that the very athletes we exalt as being above the common man are no different than the rest of us. They’re human, plain and simple, and they make the same mistakes as everyone else.

We always seem shocked when an athlete slips up, but the fact is we have always accepted their flaws as part of the game. And we excuse the best ones for their poor ethical decisions without question. Babe Ruth (who happens to be my favorite of all time) was known for his drinking and womanizing. But by the time the media caught up with a particular story of debauchery, he had already hit enough homeruns to make any negative story obsolete. Even in more recent times, when Wells pitched his famous perfect game for the Yankees, he admitted that he was hungover when he did it. And we all just shrugged our shoulders and said “Whatever it takes”.

What does this all mean? It means that sports organizations need to take better emotional care of their players. If a player isn’t performing on the field, they waste no time in calling in the best sports psychologists to work through their “issues”, but a cry for help outside of the playing field goes ignored. The money, the fame, the media – it all changes life for the small town boy turned star athlete. Some of them handle it well, but a lot of them don’t. And there are always signs that one is in trouble. The response of “They’re big boys, they can handle themselves” isn’t good enough.

Hancock was fined for showing up to play hungover days before his fatal crash. He was also in a car accident 3 days earlier. While police said “he appeared lucid”, no tests were administered to determine if he was, in fact, under the influence. With all of this considered, the Cardinals organization should have stepped up and paid closer attention.

Will this incident change things? Probably not. Do I think that each player needs to be personally babysat? Absolutely not. But if we start looking at our players as everyday people, the signs might become a little clearer.

Wednesday, May 2, 2007

Really Long Heckle Guy

As a Yankees season ticket holder in the bleachers, I’ve become accustomed to the various characters that the bleachers breed. There are the classics like Flair, Cowbell Guy, and everyone’s favorite Grandma Yankee. Every year a new character enters the mix and sometimes they fill a much needed fan void, adding a new element to the famous section. Other times, they’re just plain annoying. Enter Really Long Heckle Guy.

This guy is on my list of people you’d rather poke your eye out than sit next to. He’s taken the classic act of heckling to a whole new level. This guy’s insults are so long, that halfway through his shouts, he forgets what he’s yelling about. For instance, a blown call by the ump usually inspires a “You suck, Blue!”. But that’s not enough for Really Long Heckle Guy. Instead, we got a “Hey blue, you need an optometrist visit because your eyesight is so bad that you can’t make a decent call!”. Seriously. Not kidding. We’ve also gotten a “Hey Drew, you’re the worst outfielder on the team and I hope you drop the next fly ball” and “Vernon, I hope you trip and fall on your way back to the dugout after this inning”.

After listening to this guy for a month, enough is enough. In the hopes that Really Long Heckle Guy is one of this blog’s three readers, I’ve put together alternatives for some of his go-to insults.

Really Long Heckle Guy…
“You’re such a bad player that even your mom doesn’t want to play with you and your dog won’t fetch for you”
Should be replaced by...
“You Suck”

Really Long Heckle Guy...
“You’re so ugly that the last girl you dated made you wear a mask so she didn’t have to look at your face while she was eating”
Should be replaced by...
“Your father should have pulled out”

Really Long Heckle Guy...
“Hey blue, you need an optometrist visit because your eyesight is so bad that you can’t make a decent call”
Should be replaced by...
“Get off your knees, you’re blowing the game”

Really Long Heckle Guy...
“Your boyfriend is a much better player than you and he makes more money which is why people like him better”
Should be replaced by...
“Manny, who’s your Papi?”

Really Long Heckle Guy, these are only meant as suggestions and can be altered slightly if needed. But keep in mind, if you run out of breath before the end of the heckle, it's too long.