Tuesday, September 4, 2007

Tragedy Bowl

We all know the media loves to exploit human interest stories to appeal to the viewers. The announcers of the Virginia Tech game this weekend spent just as much time talking about the shootings as they did calling the actual game. This weekend's Virginia Tech/LSU game is sure to be the media's Tragedy Bowl with the Massacre being the odds on favorite in Vegas over Katrina. Here are a few ways to capitalize on both tragedies for the sake of a story:

Instead of tossing young co-eds in the air for every point scored, fans will toss various electronics they've looted from local stores.

The halftime show, sponsored by the NRA, will feature the Dancing Seung-Hui Chos.

Instead of the teams ceremoniously running into the stadium before the game, the players will start inside and run out, evacuation style.

The cheerleaders will doff their usual skimpy uniforms for hip waders and bullet proof vests.

Each time a player is hurt, the medics will institute a delayed response, waiting until the player begins self treatment before offering assistance.

Before the game, FEMA will sponsor a tailgate party, promising party tents to everyone in attendance but only actually providing 4 for everyone to share.

The Teddy Bears for Guns fundraiser will be held prior to the game. Any student turning in a teddy bear will receive a handgun in return.

Students showing evidence of being declared mentally ill will receive a free game ticket.

Additional plans are in review. Feel free to add your suggestions in the comments.


theoriginaljd said...

I hear both teams hope that President Bush shows unfortunately he will miss the kickoff, show up during the 3rd quarter and then only fly over in a helicopter.

Kurt said...

i'm not actually funny, but thanks for pointing out the coverage of the VT-ECU game last saturday.

"it was an emotional day in Blacksburg..."

no. no it fucking wasn't. it was a dissappointing day when we couldn't get the offense going well enough to score more than two touchdowns and the defense let fullbacks and halfbacks up the middle for the whole second half. more emotion was spent talking shit about sean glennon than remembering cho's victims, because we had all summer to grieve, but only recently did drunk idiots have a chance to criticize a quarterback for being foolish enough to stay in the pocket while the right tackle blows his coverage and let the defensive end in for a sack and fumble.

ramble much?

Brooks said...

Oops. Didn't know someone had already done that. Shouldn't be surprised I suppose. In the interest of fairness I will link to your article haha