Wednesday, August 1, 2007

Parents of the Year?

So this story has been in a couple of places and commented on by my far superior fellow sports bloggers (namely this guy and this guy), but you all had to know I couldn't resist a little commentary.

So little 5 year-old tennis phenom Jan Silva's parents have up and moved their family to a tennis farm so that little Jan can become the next tennis superstar. I'm not sure whether this is a good thing, or whether it qualifies as a jackass move by the parents. I mean, when I have a son one day I fully plan on tying his right arm down when he's born and making him a lefty. But this might go beyond sensibilities. Let's take a look at some quotes from the story and analyze, shall we?

"He also is the central player in an experiment that goes well beyond what most families would risk to build their child into a sports champion."
Well, right off the bat this is clearly a good thing. We have all of the key ingredients of a well-adjusted kid. Risk, child experimentation, and the desire to "build" said child into something. I'm on board so far.

"Sold our home with everything in it," says Scott, a 38-year-old social worker who played basketball at Southern Oregon University. "We're getting Jani ready for something much bigger."
Bah! Who needs possessions anyway. I'm sure the kid didn't mourn the loss of his Sponge Bob DVD's knowing that his parents had something "bigger" planned. That bike he got for Christmas? That's 4 year-old nonsense. Now that he's 5, he's ready for tennis elbow. Wait until his parents get him cuff surgery for his 9 th birthday. Best. Gift. Ever.

"The Mouratoglou Academy takes care of the Silvas' every need, including housing in a small chalet just overlooking the facility's 16 courts, meals, coaching, court time and equipment. The Silvas say they would be crazy not to take the opportunity to fulfill what they say is Jan's burning desire to play tennis."
If the kid's got a burning desire to play tennis, then it's definitely worth the sacrifice. Can you imagine having to live in a chalet without paying for rent, food, coaching or court time? I think they might be candidates for parents of the year just for toughing it out like that. I mean, do you remember that 5 year-old with the burning desire to be a rodeo champ? Of course not. Because his dickweed parents wouldn't man up and live rent free. They "thought" he'd be better off in school with his own friends. Assholes. Who the hell wants a socially well-adjusted kid? Not me.

"During his afternoon practice, Jan — in academy-provided Nike shoes and clothes — scampers around the court…"
Well, this might just do it for me. Little Jan has his first endorsement deal. It won't be long before he's swimming in logos and bathing with hookers in a bathtub full of cash. I am fully convinced that all the proper steps are being taken to ensure this kid's success. I'm fully on board with this.

"…the Silvas sold their house and two cars in Rancho Cordova, Calif., near Sacramento, and moved to France with their two other children so Jan could live and train full time."
What? They fucking moved their kids to France? France? I take it all back. That's just child abuse. I mean, this is the country that spawned a pussy military and Gerard Depardieu. Fucking frogs.

SportsGirl's verdict: Parental Dick Move of the Year


Unsilent Majority said...

I bet he's got his pick of the pre-teen tennis hotties

10s10s10s said...

What would you do if you have two children who love the game of tennis yet you cannot afford the cost of lessons tournaments travel for tournaments and FOOD?

The kids are now bilingual and can read this trash in English then translate it to French??? What you call a parental dickmove...I say you know what you can do with that dick!