Monday, August 20, 2007

Jumping the Gun: Previewing the 2008 Yankees Outfield

Although the 2007 season is far from over, this Yankees fan is already looking forward to next year, the Yankees' final season in that history-filled dump at East 161st Street & River Avenue. Let's continue with the outfielders:

  • Right Field (2007): Bobby Abreu
  • Right Field (2008): Bobby Abreu
Who, on May 31st, would have ever thought that the Yankees might pick up Bob's $16 million option for the aught-eight season? At that point, Abreu was getting on base at a shitty .313 pace and slugging a Neifi Perezian .289; since that point he's raised both figures by 50 percent. He must have seen his his ex-wife in another porno. So you know what? We'll roll the dice on his age 34 season, only if we can get that Machado dame to keep blowing dudes on the internet.
  • Center Field (2007): Johnny Damon/Melky Cabrera
  • Center Field (2008): Melky Cabrera
Sorry Johnny. We knew it was a bad contract. Theo knew it was a bad contract. Heck, even you knew it was a bad contract. You're going to have to be traded to the Braves with some cash for a handful of prospects. On a related note, if I hear "The Melkman delivers!" one more time, I'm going to flush my XM radio down the toilet.
  • Left Field (2007): Hideki Matsui
  • Left Field (2008): Hideki Matsui
What's this bullshit about Matsui's knees I've been hearing lately? He might not be aging very gracefully, but he's one of only two Japanese imports that has been successful in New York (the other being the tons and tons of advertising money from Japanese corporations) so he'll have to suck it up and survive through the 2009 season.

Well that was boring! Fuck! I'll do the starting rotation tomorrow. Maybe I'll even think up an actual free agent from an actual DIFFERENT team.

-Rob Iracane