Monday, July 9, 2007

Executive privilege

So there’s been much talk of “executive privilege” lately. I hate politics and this isn’t a political blog, but it got me thinking about the idea of executive privilege and how it could benefit sports. If the heads of the major sports organizations had the equivalent of executive privilege, how might they use it to better the game?

MLB: Bud Selig could have used his executive privilege to keep Bonds out of the All Star game. Hell, he could have used it to hire someone to break his knee before the season started. He could also order Paul O’Neill to get a haircut, and fill McCovey Cove with hungry sharks before the homerun derby. Kayakers fighting off sharks for baseballs… much more entertaining than watching a bunch of players hit meatballs out of the park.

NFL: Roger Goodell could use his executive privilege to overturn this whole “let’s play NFL games in Europe” idea. You think I’m grumpy when the Giants lose? Wait till you see me after getting up at 3 am to watch them lose in fucking London. Dumbest. Idea. Ever. Goodell could also use this privilege to hand out suspensions to any player who breathes crooked. Wait…

NBA: David Stern could use his executive privilege to get rid of “flopping”. I mean seriously. When did NBA players become such pussies? Getting rid of flopping will also, in effect, get rid of Kobe. And while we’re at it, Stern could use his executive privilege to have Isaiah “taken care of” and to get Mark Cuban to stop bitching.

NHL: Gary Bettman can use his executive privilege to make the players skate blindfolded while maneuvering around embedded pools of hungry sharks. Because that’s the only thing that would make me want to watch hockey. Plus, sharks are badass.

5 comments:

Bruce said...

Oh, if you had heard Selig on Dan Patrick's show today, you would've punched your radio. Talk about non-committal; not just about Bonds, but about everything. I so wanted Dan to scream, "just answer the god damn question, will ya!"

Signal to Noise said...

If Donald Fehr and the union were Congress, Bud Selig would have been impeached the minute he tried to pull executive privilege on them.

Team Der said...

not to be that guy who corrects people... but london is 5 hours ahead. so i think the giants will still play a 1pm ET. which means we get to watch eli throw passes at everyone's feet during the usual time. but i'm sure there'e karaoke over in london to cheer him up.

SportsGirl365 said...

@team der: Good call. The idea still sucks though.

grungedave said...

apparently Bud invoked his executive privilege to use a humidor before the Home Run Derby.