Tuesday, July 17, 2007

The All Star Diaries: Barry Bonds

Joe DiMaggio's diaries have been put up for auction, with the auction being facilitated by Whitey Ford. The diaries are made up of 2,400 pages in 29 books. Offering a rare glimpse into the mind of a legend,theses books will carry a final price tag in the multi millions. It made me think, what would today's athletes' diaries look like? And so I present to you a new series: The All Star Diaries.

Today: Barry Bonds

July 16, 2007

Today was another recovery day. I'm glad they give these to me. It's tough batting twice a game. And sometimes they make me bat three times! Unbelievable. Don't they know who I am? I'm Barry Bonds!

Bruce called me into his office yesterday and wanted to know why I was 0 for my last 20. I told him I was trying to build suspense. Everyone knows I'm going to break the record. I also told him I'm giving Bud a little more time to book his plane ticket. That Bud. Always kidding around. Like he'd miss me breaking the record. C'mon. I'm Barry Bonds!

Bruce also said that I'm not showing enough emotion. Like I should act more upset about my slump. So after the game yesterday when the mediaasked me about it, I cursed a couple of times and flipped over alaundry cart. But I went back when they weren't looking and picked it up. I mean, washing my uniform is a dirty enough job with all that clear and cream mess. Plus, I'm not a bad guy. I'm Barry Bonds!

My birthday's coming up. I wonder what Bud is going to get me? Last year he forgot to get me a present, so instead he said he'd leave me alone for a year with this whole steroid nonsense. Maybe this yea I'll get a pony.

I'm going to bed now. It was a tough day of sitting on the bench and eating Doritos. Plus, I might have to bat three times tomorrow. I need my energy. I'm Barry Bonds!


grungedave said...

July 18th entry: "wow, that Michael Vick is a despicable human being. He better not take attention away from my 756th HR!"