Thursday, July 26, 2007

ACC Football Preview

Losers With Socks has asked me to do a weekly ACC round-up, SportsGirl style. Being a Hokie, I jumped at the chance to piss off some FSU and UVA fans. Assholes.

Here's the preview, as seen on Losers:

Welcome to my ACC house, boys. Don't bother wiping your feet. I'll be kicking you out soon.

Here's a little preview of what's about to go down in the ACC this season. I'm not going to bother breaking down all of the teams because most of them are going down quicker than a WVU fan at a family reunion. I'm just going to highlight the top Contenders and the bottom Pretenders. And for the jackass out there thinking Why am I reading this? She's a girl, what does she know? Well you're right. I don't know crap so go read ESPN. They're always right. Asshat.

We'll start at the bottom.


Listen. Even Duke fans are stocking up on moonshine and painkillers. They lost every game last year and are 5-34 for the last three years under coach Roof. And usually when all 11 offensive starters return for the season, it's a good thing. In this case, they should have sent them to slaughter and started over.

NC State
Pulling Tom O'Brien from BC was a big move, but not enough to make them a contender. At least not this year. Look for lots of running and not much excitement. Also look for Chuck Amato in the parking lot after each loss with a sign screaming "I told you it wasn't my fault! They just suck!".

Being a Hokie, it's pretty much against my religion to ever say anything nice about UVA. But I didn't even have to stretch to put them in the bottom three. They're a young team with a shaky QB in Sewell. Not to mention their top receiver just had wrist surgery and there's not much depth in the offense. Their schedule is a bit forgiving, so look for them to win a couple but they won't come close to being a contender.


Georgia Tech
Va Tech's biggest rival in the Coastal Division is Georgia Tech. The offense took a hit with the loss of Calvin Johnson and Reggie Ball, but new starting QB Taylor Bennett seems poised to pick up the slack with a myriad of receivers to throw to. The showdown of the year will be when the Yellow Jackets host the Hokies in Atlanta.

Florida State
As much as I hate Florida State, I hate their fans even more. What a bunch of annoying pricks. But with Bobby celebrating his 104th birthday this year and Terry announcing his return to coaching, there will be Bowdens here, Bowdens there, Bowden Bowdens everywhere. The QB situation with Weatherford and Lee is very shaky, but it won't matter because 80% of their offensive plays will be running.

Which brings me to this year's ACC Champions, the…

Virginia Tech Hokies
Yeah that's right. I'm a Hokie. I even hung out with Ookie in college. I never would have predicted his love of dogs though. His love of slutty white co-eds, however? That was obvious. But I digress. This veteran Hokie team had the best defense in the nation last year and with Brandon Ore leading the offensive run, it's bound to be a productive season of Beamer ball. If QB Sean Glennon can keep from shitting himself, they're taking the title.

And that's it folks. I'll be checking in weekly to bring you the best and worst of the ACC. And I know I've pissed off most of you, so I'll see you in the comments, bitches.

[UPDATE] Looks like I've already struck a nerve with WVU fan.


Bruce said...

I'm a UVA fan, and I'm an asshole, but those two things are mutually exclusive, believe me(at least in my case, they are). Because, while I'm a fan, I'm also a realist, which is a rare combination in sports. That said, the Hoos are going to suck like an industrial-sized Hoover, in part, because they have zero WR with a modicum of talent, and the QB role is still up in the air. The days of Matt Schaub, Thomas Jones, and the Barber twins are long gone, and I don't see them getting better any time soon.
As far as VA Tech is concerned, I just can't find it in my cold black heart to hate on them this year. I'm still not a fan, nor will I ever be, but they get a pass from me this season.
However, Bobbuh Bowden and Felony State can not lose enough games to suit me. I would even go so far as to hope they go 0-11(or 12, however many they play).
I've been a Tom O'Brien fan since his days as George Welsh's O-coordinator, and I think he is capable of pulling NC State out of the shithole that Chuck Amato put them in.